Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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