apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
