My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
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