I think my fart just growled at me.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
