I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
