Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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