I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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