he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
