So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Randomize
