You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
