Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
