well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
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Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
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Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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