dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
