i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
