my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
are you so shy because you have an std?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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