If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Green mimosas i think yes
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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