so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just want to make out with him forever
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara