apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????