***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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