atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is