A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
