smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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