A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
