I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
