I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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