I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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