I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
