I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
