That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
