Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
