Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
