I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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