so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
