I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
