I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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