you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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