How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
