he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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