PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
