just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
