I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
