he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
