sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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