Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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