I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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