I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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