some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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