i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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