people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
