I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
