Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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