Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
