The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
