So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
