What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
