You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
