I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
