I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
