You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
