am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
