Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
