So drunk, too bad you don't want this
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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