You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Also, beer. Big fan.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
