I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
