Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
