my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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