I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
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I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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