The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
