when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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