i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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