Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
