it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
