im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
